Madonna makes 50 look hot. She’s hotter now than she was at 20 something. But for a woman that’s been with a number of men and can have any man she wants, she knows nothing about us. I saw an interview after her divorce from Guy Ritchie, and she said she was sick of emotionally unavailable men. Then I thought of her song, Express Yourself, one of my favorites because it’s a hot track with a great video, but its dead wrong. The verse in the song: “Don’t go for second best baby, put your love to the test, you know you’ve got to make him express how he feels, then you’ll know your love is real.” So she thinks that if we’re made to express our emotions verbally, that’s the only way to know our love is real. Bullshit. Men are not built that way. Some wimpy, emotionally expressive guy that cries with you over chick flicks and writes you poetry will be the first guy you drop for the biker that only takes you to his place for sex, hardly calls you, and has a prison record. Read the rest of this entry »
Regardless of your power over us, or our intimate connection, you cannot talk us down when we’re truly mad. Men have a release valve that opens when we’re alone with our thoughts. Don’t be intimidated or feel threatened, we’re not pushing you away. It’s just our self-regulating mechanism. You may feel frustrated because we aren’t being emotionally available when we go into this distant mode of behavior. This is going to be hard for you because sometimes emotions for women are like a drug. You can’t pass on the opportunity to experience them whether they’re good or bad. If we don’t share all of ours, you feel like you’re being cheated on a potential high . This isn’t the case. You are simply going to have to accept the emotional differences between most men and women. Read the rest of this entry »
Real men don’t need no stinking directions. Even in this modern age of map quest and GPS, we may still forgo directions, believing in our innate ability to navigate. Back when pioneers headed out west to kill all the Native Americans – I mean explore – there was no one to ask for directions. They had a horse, a wagon, some salt pork, and a gun. They had to make their own way, or die trying. Back then a man was a provider, a protector, and a conqueror. So when we are in our SUV, drinking bottled spring water, listening to soft jazz, you at our side, heading to the new hot Thai dinner spot, we actually believe we’re on that wagon train heading out “Californi way”. Directions or a map is just punking out, admitting that you can’t cut it in the Wild West. Naturally this is a bit dramatic, but it’s how many of us think. Our sense of self worth can be a bit fragile and admitting we need help with a simple task, such as navigating, is admitting weakness and inadequacy.
My advice? Just let us struggle to find our way for a little while. Let us embrace our pioneering spirit – as long as we are not going to be too late for dinner and our reservation lost. By all means don’t add pressure by nagging or growing frantic. That only makes it worse. By all means don’t tell us to stop and get directions. Find a creative way to help us. Take a peak at the GPS directions on your phone or make a call to the restaurant. We’ll take help from you because, after all, you are our partner. But we won’t make a physical stop at a gas station to take help from a total stranger. That’s like making a public service announcement that we have failed as men. When you get the directions, use a Jedi mind trick on us. Let us think that we were really close to our objective, but just took a wrong turn, and it can happen to anyone. We can handle making a small mistake, but not complete failure. All of this is a golden opportunity to make us think we’re really taking care of you and being manly. After all, taking you to a Thai restaurant in our SUV is like stopping our wagon to shoot a buffalo or something for dinner.
To me personally, this is the most physically beautiful woman on the planet. God simply didn’t skimp on anything, coupled by the fact that she doesn’t seem to age. In my opinion she is the complete physical package: face, boobs, butt, hips, legs, I bet even her feet would bring a man to tears. Having given my praise for the creator’s work, I think men recognize that most women simply cannot measure up to Ms. Berry and we’re OK with it. Most of us are not looking for a size 2 that drinks from the fountain of youth whose beauty would make ancient nations go to war. But the average girl can find a little piece of Halle Berry style, and add it to her own. Read the rest of this entry »
Figured I’d make this a quick follow-up to my last post, the 25 things women get wrong with men, since I’ve been warned I’ll never have another date. And I made sure to come up with a couple extra beyond 25.
- The obvious: Lips, boobs, soft, shapely legs, and ass. And long hair. Short or natural hair is fine, but you better have a damn cute face.
- The good nagging: like when we need to go to the doctor and do something really important that we just don’t like.
- Your physical tolerance for pain. How the “weaker sex” sits there for hours and pushes out a bowling ball from between her legs, let alone carry it for 9 months is simply beyond us.
- Your inner spiritual strength. Way stronger than your body, and ours too.
- We realize that once we get a house with you, that’s your domain. We’re glad we don’t have to worry about decorating and furniture and all that stuff. Just tell us what you want, and we’ll buy it or chip in. Just give us the basement.
- You make us work harder. We want to please you and make you proud of us, so we work our tails off.
- You upgrade us. Like Beyonce’s song Upgrade U. We dress better and get a few things that are actually in style.
- You surprise us sometimes. You can simply do the most thoughtful things that we would never think of. Especially when you’re a wife and mom, you hit another gear.
- Your activities are cool. We think your scrapbooking, decorating, and fashion interests are very cute. It’s what makes you this girly girl that’s so different from us.
- Your capacity to give is unreal. Your community service, volunteering at a shelter, taking care of the elderly, all in addition to the things you already do makes you superwomen. Read the rest of this entry »
- Say something jacked up about my mom.
- Throw the fact that you make more money than me in my face even 1 time in anger and, worse yet, in public, with or without me present.
- Think you can change me. I’ll submit to training, but accept me for who I am.
- Think I’ll grow to like your cat, toy dog, or gay friend because we’re in a relationship.
- Schedule any activity during the playoffs or championship of any sport.
- Have your girls in our business, especially the ones that don’t have a man.
- WANT me to WANT to do something I could not give a shit about.
- Disagree with me in public, even if I am wrong.
- Pay too much attention to another man in public. I don’t care if he looks like Brad Pitt, or if it is Brad Pitt. You get to look, not stare or lust while I’m present.
- Cook infrequently, poorly, or without passion. Read the rest of this entry »
We understand that your cat and/or toy dog, and gay friend were there before us, and you’re attempting to integrate us into your life. We appreciate your efforts and we’re happy that you’re exposing us to your world, but don’t expect us to develop any true affection for these parts of your life. Of this trio, your little toy dog has the only shot at making any connection with us. Read the rest of this entry »
Bass fishing: If you want to understand a primary reason men don’t call back, turn to some sportsman cable TV channel that has hunting, monster trucks, and bass tournaments. Pay attention to the bass tournament show. If you notice, these tournaments are about catching as many fish as you can in a short period of time and winning a trophy. It’s not about catching fish to eat. The rule for the tournament is catch-and-release. These fishermen participate in these tournaments to display their skills, not because they’re hungry. Fish are elusive, challenging animals to catch that hide in nooks, deep water, between rocks, etc. Women do too. They travel in intimidating large groups, make themselves unavailable in exclusive social settings, and go out with male friends they have no romantic interest in so they can fend off the wolves. Some men love to take on this challenge, just like the bass fishers. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s a man’s nature to desire sex, multiple partners, and spread his DNA as widely as possible. That’s just how it is. You see this in the animal kingdom in countless places. Male lions will even kill the cubs of a female they didn’t impregnate because they don’t want a rival’s DNA in their pride. Men, in most cases, differ from animals in that we have a choice to remain faithful or not. Cheating for a man is an emotional decision that many times takes place in the moment mere hours or even minutes before the act itself. A man’s resolve to remain faithful can be affected by a number of factors depending primarily on what type of man he is. Regular, hard working guys’ cheating habits differ from those of the exceptionally good looking wealthy, alpha male types like Tiger Woods. Regular guys are missing something in their relationships and may cheat to fill a need, like spicing up a monotonous existence. Alpha males cheat because, for them, women are like potato chips at a super bowl party. He’s going to have some simply because they’re there and easily accessible. Read the rest of this entry »