Why We Ask for Your Number and Don’t Call
Bass fishing: If you want to understand a primary reason men don’t call back, turn to some sportsman cable TV channel that has hunting, monster trucks, and bass tournaments. Pay attention to the bass tournament show. If you notice, these tournaments are about catching as many fish as you can in a short period of time and winning a trophy. It’s not about catching fish to eat. The rule for the tournament is catch-and-release. These fishermen participate in these tournaments to display their skills, not because they’re hungry. Fish are elusive, challenging animals to catch that hide in nooks, deep water, between rocks, etc. Women do too. They travel in intimidating large groups, make themselves unavailable in exclusive social settings, and go out with male friends they have no romantic interest in so they can fend off the wolves. Some men love to take on this challenge, just like the bass fishers. We especially like to test our skills if we’ve been out of “the game” for a while with a steady relationship or family duties. Sometimes, we’ll go out with the boys for some sport fishing just to see if we still have it and can get women interested enough to give us the digits. Then we don’t call because that night it was a catch-and-release tournament at the bar. All we want is a trophy (phone number) from the biggest fish we can land.
After further review.…: If we go out and ask for your number, there are times when we are genuinely interested and look forward to calling you. So yes, we do ask for numbers when we’re “into you.” However, we’ll also check with our boys during the evening debrief to do a background check to see if there is an outstanding claim on you, violation of dating codes, or revenge warrant from a former boyfriend. The first order of business for this debriefing is that we want to make sure no one in our immediate male group of friends has dated you so we don’t step on anyone’s toes. After that, we’ll investigate your reputation to see if you’ve slept with too many guys we know, if you’re a party girl that’s out all the time, if you have a restraining order filed by your ex, if you’re a gold digger, if you’re a sneaker chaser (athlete groupie), and if that long silky weave just ain’t the real you. For some of these issues we’ll check with a platonic female friend and see if you’re disliked for good, non-petty reasons. So if we get a report on something we can’t get past, we’re not calling. Also, if we happen to have had our beer goggles on, we’ll check with our boys in a sober moment about their impressions. If upon further review they say, “Dude, what the hell were you thinking?” we’re not calling.
Just being nice: Sometimes men are confronted with aggressive women that are attracted to us, who make the first move, come over and introduce themselves. Done properly, we appreciate this type of woman. However if we are not “feeling her” we may ask for her number just to end the conversation and move on. It’s also kind of a reward for her aggressive approach and interest. This usually happens with the outgoing, friendly, but not-that-attractive women that think they have a chance if he “sees my inner beauty.” Sometimes we do, most times we don’t. We think the act of getting your number at least shows that we are flattered that you approached us, but we’re just not going to follow up. In this case, we really aren’t into you.
Beer pressure: Men put pressure on each other to be engaged with women in social settings for the benefit of the group. When we go out with our boys, we want to be with guys that are great wing men. A great wing man helps attract and approach women who hang in groups of two or more. A strong unified crew of men with a single purpose can approach any group of women without fear. Normally we’ll send out an advanced scout to approach a group of women who is either very funny and can break the ice, or who is our “face” (pretty boy) that makes all the women in the group think they have a chance. After the scout is firmly in enemy territory, the reserves come in and join the group. Odds are 5 guys are not going to dig all 5 girls, and vice versa. Someone is going to get the grenade. The grenade is the cock blocking buzz kill chick you can’t separate from her friends. She must be taken out by a wing man willing to do his duty and fall on that grenade so the group can continue on its mission. All this is to say, if you happen to be the grenade in your group of female friends, and the wing man asks for your number, guess what? He’s doing his duty, and we never call the grenade.