1. Say something jacked up about my mom.
  2. Throw the fact that you make more money than me in my face even 1 time in anger and, worse yet, in public, with or without me present.
  3. Think you can change me. I’ll submit to training, but accept me for who I am.
  4. Think I’ll grow to like your cat, toy dog, or gay friend because we’re in a relationship.
  5. Schedule any activity during the playoffs or championship of any sport.
  6. Have your girls in our business, especially the ones that don’t have a man.
  7. WANT me to WANT to do something I could not give a shit about.
  8. Disagree with me in public, even if I am wrong.
  9. Pay too much attention to another man in public. I don’t care if he looks like Brad Pitt, or if it is Brad Pitt. You get to look, not stare or lust while I’m present.
  10. Cook infrequently, poorly, or without passion.
  11. Cutoff for any reason (marriage, busy with the kids, work etc.) the same steamy sex we had when we first met.
  12. Not believing in me or my dreams. Unless I want to be a juggler on a cruise ship, believe in me!
  13. Get fat and think I’ll still find you as attractive as when we met ( grace period during pregnancy and up to 8 months thereafter).
  14. Not tell me what is actually wrong and expect me to “discover” or “sense” something’s wrong by reading your emotions.
  15. Continue to bring up every mistake I’ve ever made when we argue regardless of how long ago or how serious/trivial it was.
  16. Have too many close male friends, some of which I don’t know or like.
  17. Hit me in anger, throw something at me, or worse. Never be physical with me or my car. Especially the car.
  18. Give me no personal time or expect me to check in every 3 hours when away from home. 9 out of 10 times, I’m getting away from you, and no I don’t freakin’ miss you.
  19. Ask me which of your friends I’d like to sleep with and why.
  20. Treat me like your indentured servant and not appreciate what I do for you.
  21. Let me find out you slept with too many guys I know in the same town or our extended social circle. Not fair, but that’s just how it is.
  22. Be too available, be too nice, say yes to everything, be a pushover, like everything I like, have no backbone. This certainly doesn’t serve you well, and we don’t like weak women in the long run. We’ll have sex with an easy girl, but will never stay with one. We would never want the mother of our children to be weak.
  23. Be dingy. No one likes a dumb broad. You don’t have to be Einstein, but when you open your mouth, don’t sound like Paris Hilton or Sarah Palin. Read something, have an opinion, and don’t embarrass me around my friends.
  24. Make me feel like I have to walk on egg shells when I come to your perfectly decorated frilly home. If you want a perfect house, that’s fine, but if you want a man in it, forget perfect.
  25. If everything is going great, you work to find a problem. It seems as if there is a little voice in your head that says you don’t deserve to be happy, and you commence to dissect our relationship to find the flaw. You’ll eventually find something and decide that we can’t make it in the long run, and you sabotage the relationship. Then you wonder why you’re single at 48.

Fear not, this will soon be followed by what we love about women, and there is much. I’m a fair offender.