Regardless of your power over us, or our intimate connection, you cannot talk us down when we’re truly mad.  Men have a release valve that opens when we’re alone with our thoughts. Don’t be intimidated or feel threatened, we’re not pushing you away. It’s just our self-regulating mechanism. You may feel frustrated because we aren’t being emotionally available when we go into this distant mode of behavior. This is going to be hard for you because sometimes emotions for women are like a drug. You can’t pass on the opportunity to experience them whether they’re good or bad. If we don’t share all of ours, you feel like you’re being cheated on a potential high . This isn’t the case. You are simply going to have to accept the emotional differences between most men and women.

Sometimes when we withdraw from you emotionally we’re actually sparing you from our ugly side. We’d rather shield you and the family when we’re having a tough day instead of snapping at our cute 3 year-old daughter that we worship. We may take a drive, a walk, go play golf, go to a bar, meet with our best friend, or just sit quietly out on the deck with a beer. Give us this time to decompress, and we’ll eventually share stuff with you. Resist the urge to peel the onion and discover what’s bothering us by way of a detailed interrogation. If you truly want to do something special, when we’re in this mode, get us that beer, give us a kiss, and leave. We’ll take great comfort in knowing that you’re there and that you trust us to deal with the issue alone for a while.

The worst thing you can do is push and prod us to get us to open up. There is nothing more aggravating than being goaded when you’re already upset. When you do this, and we resist or withdraw, many times you grow frustrated and angry. I’ve personally had a bowl thrown at me in frustration as I walked out of a room, I have a friend that had a phone hurled at him striking him in the face while he was sitting on the couch, I have another close friend that was kicked in the nuts as he slept, and yet another friend that was driving with his girlfriend who took her hands off the steering wheel long enough to punch him in the mouth and her ring chipping his tooth!  Now, perhaps I and my non-violent friends are just rare assholes that bring out a violent streak in women, or sometimes you guys just lose it in frustration. Unprovoked violence on anyone’s part can get ugly fast.  I know this is dangerous territory, and I would certainly never blame women for domestic abuse or violence toward men.  Some men are truly monsters and the initiators of conflict. But I must keep it real and say that some of you can really push our buttons, and not every man is restrained enough to walk away.

So the next time your man is upset, read his signals. If he wants to talk, listen. If he doesn’t, give him space and be patient.  Embrace our emotional differences, and don’t feel threatened or neglected by them. And never, ever get physical.