Our Behavior

Regardless of your power over us, or our intimate connection, you cannot talk us down when we’re truly mad.  Men have a release valve that opens when we’re alone with our thoughts. Don’t be intimidated or feel threatened, we’re not pushing you away. It’s just our self-regulating mechanism. You may feel frustrated because we aren’t being emotionally available when we go into this distant mode of behavior. This is going to be hard for you because sometimes emotions for women are like a drug. You can’t pass on the opportunity to experience them whether they’re good or bad. If we don’t share all of ours, you feel like you’re being cheated on a potential high . This isn’t the case. You are simply going to have to accept the emotional differences between most men and women. Read the rest of this entry »

Real men don’t need no stinking directions.  Even in this modern age of map quest and GPS, we may still forgo directions, believing in our innate ability to navigate. Back when pioneers headed out west to kill all the Native Americans – I mean explore – there was no one to ask for directions. They had a horse, a wagon, some salt pork, and a gun. They had to make their own way, or die trying. Back then a man was a provider, a protector, and a conqueror. So when we are in our SUV, drinking bottled spring water, listening to soft jazz, you at our side, heading to the new hot Thai dinner spot, we actually believe we’re on that wagon train heading out “Californi way”.  Directions or a map is just punking out, admitting that you can’t cut it in the Wild West. Naturally this is a bit dramatic, but it’s how many of us think. Our sense of self worth can be a bit fragile and admitting we need help with a simple task, such as navigating, is admitting weakness and inadequacy.

My advice? Just let us struggle to find our way for a little while.  Let us embrace our pioneering spirit – as long as we are not going to be too late for dinner and our reservation lost. By all means don’t add pressure by nagging or growing frantic. That only makes it worse. By all means don’t tell us to stop and get directions. Find a creative way to help us. Take a peak at the GPS directions on your phone or make a call to the restaurant. We’ll take help from you because, after all, you are our partner. But we won’t make a physical stop at a gas station to take help from a total stranger. That’s like making a public service announcement that we have failed as men.  When you get the directions, use a Jedi mind trick on us. Let us think that we were really close to our objective, but just took a wrong turn, and it can happen to anyone. We can handle making a small mistake, but not complete failure. All of this is a golden opportunity to make us think we’re really taking care of you and being manly. After all, taking you to a Thai restaurant in our SUV is like stopping our wagon to shoot a buffalo or something for dinner. 

It’s actually a bit more than, “we’re not that into you.” There are a several reasons why men choose not to call you. Some logical, others not so much.

Bass fishing: If you want to understand a primary reason men don’t call back, turn to some sportsman cable TV channel that has hunting, monster trucks, and bass tournaments. Pay attention to the bass tournament show. If you notice, these tournaments are about catching as many fish as you can in a short period of time and winning a trophy. It’s not about catching fish to eat. The rule for the tournament is catch-and-release. These fishermen participate in these tournaments to display their skills, not because they’re hungry.  Fish are elusive, challenging animals to catch that hide in nooks, deep water, between rocks, etc. Women do too. They travel in intimidating large groups, make themselves unavailable in exclusive social settings, and go out with male friends they have no romantic interest in so they can fend off the wolves. Some men love to take on this challenge, just like the bass fishers. Read the rest of this entry »